The 60 Funny Quotes about Woman

Modified: June 23, 2023, Published: September 23, 2015

Get ready to laugh out loud as we dive into a delightful collection of funny quotes about women. From their impeccable sense of humor to their unique perspectives on life, women have always been a source of laughter and joy.

These quotes capture the essence of femininity with a humorous twist, showcasing the wit, charm, and undeniable quirks that make women truly one-of-a-kind. So sit back, relax, and enjoy a good dose of laughter as we celebrate the lighter side of womanhood with these hilarious and entertaining quotes.

Behind every great woman is a pile of dirty dishes.

I’m not saying women are indecisive, but I once saw a lady take 20 minutes to choose between two flavors of ice cream.

Women are like teabags – you never know how strong they are until you put them in hot water.

Women are like parking spots. The good ones are always taken, and the rest are too small or too far away.

Women can multitask so well that they can ruin their own argument while winning it.

I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday, and she said, ‘Nothing.’ So, I got her nothing, and now she’s mad at me. Women!

I finally realized why women live longer than men. They don’t have to put up with men!

Women are like WiFi signals. They can be moody, unpredictable, and sometimes hard to connect with.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me.

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, and she said, ‘Yes, about me being single.’

Women’s logic: If he says something that offends you, make sure to bring it up again at random moments for the next five years.

I don’t always understand women, but I’m pretty sure that’s part of their master plan.

The quickest way to get a woman’s attention? Start a sentence with ‘I’m not sure if you’ve gained weight, but…’

Women are like wine – they only get better with age, and they give you a headache if you have too much.

The only thing tougher than a woman who knows what she wants is a woman who knows what you want.

I asked my wife what she wanted for our anniversary, and she said, ‘More space.’ So I got her a gym membership.

I told my wife she should embrace her flaws, and she said, ‘I already have a husband for that.’

Behind every successful woman is a man who’s surprised.

Women may not always be right, but they are never wrong. At least, that’s what they tell us.

Girls can take almost hundreds of pictures of themselves in an hour or less, but only a single photo would look beautiful in their eyes.

An hour of preparation before going to work would never be enough for a girl. Expect that they would rather skip breakfast than not blow-dry their hair and put their makeup on.

Never tell a girl to leave her boyfriend. While you have one reason for her to go him, she, on the other hand, has thousands of reasons to stay.

If your girl suddenly turns silent, and when you ask her what is wrong, and she says there’s nothing wrong, then there’s something wrong. You probably know already what will happen next.

Always trust women’s instincts. If they feel something’s wrong, there usually is. Believe it or not, but girls can never go wrong.

According to a study, women talk three times as much as men. That explains why in every argument, women have to say a lot.

A woman can have as many as twelve pairs of shoes and still think it was not enough. A man can have a couple of shoes, and it means much.

When your girl asks you if the other girl is beautiful, it is only about two things. First, she wants you to say that the girl is not attractive, or second, she wants you to tell her that she’s more beautiful.

Never underestimate the search skill of a woman. Sometimes, they did a better job than Google.

Behind every woman, a priceless smile is a shopping bag filled with new clothes.

A girl can look at a single photo of another girl and say as many as thousands of comments about her.

One day my girlfriend and I went shopping. A dress caught her attention, but she said it cost much. We moved around and saw a 50% discount on all dresses. She bought one. But when I looked at the price, same as the one we saw previously. What’s wrong with my girl?

No one wins between two girls quarreling about who is more beautiful among the two of them.

The 60 Real Love Advice

When a woman looks at her body in a mirror, she always sees you double his size. When a man looks at his body in a mirror, he sees half of his actual size. See the difference?

Please do not mess with a girl who is having her monthly period. You do not know what they’ve been going through.

When your girl sees another name of a girl on your phonebook, she will start to roll her eyes. When your girl reads a message from another girl, she instantly goes hysterical. That’s why I stopped using my mobile phone until now.

Do not be deceived by how big a girl’s boobs look in her clothes. You have no idea how many bra paddings she inserts with it. That is why we need to see it first before we believe. Right guys?

It is rare to see a woman’s closet not full of clothes, yet they said they have nothing to wear.

Give your girl flowers after you argue with her, and she will throw them away. Give your girl the pair of shoes she wanted, and she will forget anything wrong you have done with her.

The woman is like a dictionary. She gives new meaning to everything and instantly corrects you with suitable words to say.

All women are good at bringing up the past, yet they said they do not care about your history.

A woman can act like they don’t care, but deep inside, they care. A man can act as they care, but deep inside, they don’t.

In every handbag of a woman is lipstick she can never live without.

Every girl in their monthly period deserves a slice of cake, a pack of chocolate, and a pint of ice cream. No man has an idea of how hard they have been going through.

No woman can stand wearing the same outfit at different parties. If you do not want to be the topic of the night, then better wear a new one.

My wife never runs out of accusations. I wonder when she was started to become a lawyer.

Three words you should never tell a girl, “You look fat.”

A woman can live without a man but not without a salon, a shopping mall, and a jewelry store.

Give a girl a flower, and she will be nice to you. Give a girl a diamond, and she will marry you.

A woman’s mind is like a browser with 2,371 tabs open at once.

Women are like cats. They’ll ignore you until they want something, and then they’ll meow until they get it.

If women ran the world, we’d probably have a lot more chocolate and a lot less war.

I asked my wife how she manages to do it all, and she said, ‘I don’t. I just make it look like I do.’

Women have a special talent for turning a simple shopping trip into an Olympic event.

I once tried to understand women, but then I remembered that I’m not fluent in hieroglyphics.

Women are like Bluetooth devices. They’re always searching for connection, but you never know when they’ll suddenly disconnect.

I asked my wife why she always takes forever to get ready, and she said, ‘It takes a lot of effort to look effortless.’

Women are like snowflakes. Each one is unique, delicate, and can cause a lot of chaos when they come together.

I’m convinced that women have a secret superpower called ‘finding things you didn’t even know were lost.’

Women are great at multitasking. They can talk, text, and give you a death stare all at the same time.

I told my wife she should write a book about all the things she knows, and she said, ‘But then I’d have to share my secrets.’

Women are like fine wine. They get better with age, but they can also leave you with a massive headache.

I asked my wife if she ever truly relaxes, and she said, ‘Only when I’m sleeping. And even then, I might be dreaming about laundry.’

Women have an uncanny ability to remember things you said years ago, especially if it’s something you wish they’d forget.

If women ruled the world, we’d probably have daily mandatory napping and unlimited chocolate reserves.

I told my wife she should start a detective agency because she always manages to find out everything I’ve been up to.

Women are like hurricanes. They come into your life, turn everything upside down, and leave you wondering what just happened.

I asked my wife if she believes in miracles, and she said, ‘Yes, every time I find a matching pair of socks.’

Women have an amazing ability to make a 20-minute story out of a 30-second event.

Women are like WiFi signals. They can be strong and reliable one moment, and then disappear without a trace the next.

If women ran the world, we’d have a national holiday dedicated to chocolate, and Mondays would be optional.

I asked my wife what her superpower is, and she said, ‘I can find things in the fridge that no one else can see.’

Women are like superheroes. They have the power to turn a simple dinner into an elaborate feast with just a few ingredients.

I once tried to figure out the logic behind women’s handbags, but then I realized it’s a dimension of its own.

Women are like puzzle pieces. Sometimes you think you’ve got them figured out, but then they change shape on you.

Girls can have many gestures. For instance, if a girl starts to roll her eyes, she is irritated. If a girl puts his hand in a surrender position, you are dead.

When a girl says move on, it means checking her ex-boyfriend’s Facebook every day and reading his last messages all over again.

Two types of women while in an oval track. Fat women pretend they are jogging but take more selfies most of the time. Thin women who fly 5kms half an hour and no need for a selfie to prove their hard work.

I love a woman who does laundry. It means she doesn’t have to go shopping to buy new clothes because she already has nothing to wear. Just think how much money and time you can save.

I asked my wife if she believes in magic, and she said, ‘Of course, I can make money disappear faster than a magician.’

Women are like fine art. They can be complex, misunderstood, and occasionally make you question your sanity.

I told my wife she should become a detective because she always knows where I’ve hidden the cookies.

Women have a special talent for turning a simple shopping trip into a marathon event.

If women ruled the world, ‘getting ready’ would be an Olympic sport with multiple categories and a lifetime of training.

Women are like comedians. They have an impeccable sense of timing, especially when it comes to pointing out your flaws.

I asked my wife if she believes in time travel, and she said, ‘Absolutely. Just look at how fast I can make an hour disappear at the mall.’

Never be with a girl while watching a horror movie if you do not want to be hit with a pillow or if you do not want to hear a megaphone-like scream.

Your life depends on the way your wife handles your finances. The more she spends, the more you should work hard.

Women have a sixth sense called ‘knowing when you’ve eaten the last cookie’ that can’t be explained by science.

I once tried to understand women, but then I realized it’s like trying to fold a fitted sheet. It’s best to embrace the chaos.

Women are like candles. They can light up a room with their presence, but they can also burn you if you’re not careful.

I asked my wife how she manages to remember everything, and she said, ‘It’s easy. I have a database in my brain labeled ‘Useless Information.’

Women are like walking encyclopedias. They have an answer for every question you never thought to ask.

If women ruled the world, we’d have mandatory nap times and a national anthem dedicated to chocolate.

Women have a way of turning a small disagreement into a full-blown debate that covers every topic under the sun.

Do not judge a woman according to his body size. Not all fat women are fat all their lives, and not all thin women are thin.

A woman’s tongue can be as deadly as a man’s sword. It can cut you deep in your heart, and it can destroy even the most vital foundation ever built.

A girl can remember her first kiss and all the feelings associated with it. At the same time, a man can’t even remember the name of his first kiss.

Women have a superpower called ‘selective hearing,’ which allows them to tune out anything that doesn’t interest them.

If women were emojis, they’d be the multitasking one with a coffee cup, phone, and shopping bags all at once.

I asked my wife why she takes so many selfies, and she said, ‘It’s just to document my fabulousness.’

Women are like WiFi passwords. They’re complex, hard to figure out, and constantly changing.

I once tried to keep up with my wife’s shopping spree, but I quickly realized my wallet had its limits.

Women are like books. They can have beautiful covers, intriguing chapters, and an occasional cliffhanger.

If women ran the world, we’d have a mandatory ‘laughter hour’ every day to keep everyone sane.

I asked my wife if she believes in miracles, and she said, ‘Absolutely, just look at how I manage to find a parking spot at the mall.’

Women have an uncanny ability to remember every detail of an argument from three years ago.

If women were superheroes, their superpower would be the ability to find lost socks.

A woman trying hard to look beautiful is like a man trying to be a woman; they both need a unique power to succeed.

How to make a woman happy? Give her time to think and money to shop.

Every women weakness:Handsome sexy guy in her bed.New pair of shoes.

Two kinds of girls: A girl with a handsome boyfriend and a girl without an ugly boyfriend.

Women are better at pretending. They can pretend to be friendly and not affected by someone’s comment about how fat she looks now.

Never underestimate women. Only women can do laundry while swimming, clean the house while dancing, and cook while singing. See how women can make use of their talents amazingly well.

As a loving husband, I always agree with my wife. Never an instance that I win over my wife. In every way, she is always right.

A woman is like the weather. Always unpredictable.

Not all women are kind enough to accept all negative comments about how she looks. Some of them suddenly turn into real beauty queens.

When your girl says she is beautiful, agree with her. Never give your girl a reason to doubt whether you are on her side or not.

Love your girl with all your heart, and she will give you her world. Break her heart, and you will never have a chance to see her tomorrow.

A jealous woman is a woman every secretive man should avoid. When she does an investigation, even the tiniest secret you have will be exposed. Know your girl now, or else it will be your end.

Never will you see a group of girls not laughing and not talking to each other. When they are together, they are like they own the world.

When you tell your secret to your girlfriend, expect that her best friend will know about it. And tomorrow, expect the whole class will be talking about it.

You will know how a girl looks when she is at home. It is because it is the time when she has no makeup and no pretending at all.

There are two reasons why there are girls who sleep without a bra:It feels good.No need at all.

No matter how bad a girl’s mood is, it can quickly change if there are pizzas, ice creams, and cakes in the fridge.

Give a girl a chance to change, and she will never disappoint you. Give a man a chance to change, and he will be worse.

You can measure a girl’s beauty with the way she wears her makeup. The more of it, the ugly she was.

Tell your girl how beautiful she is, and she will look even more attractive. Tell your girl that she is getting fat, and she will never stop eating more.

Not all girls with a tattoo are badass. Some of them just don’t have an excellent place to put their masterpiece.

When your mom says enough, stop immediately unless you want to see her turn into a monstrous witch.

Every good man deserves a loving woman. Every rich man deserves a woman who has loved shopping all her life.

It is more important for a girl to have a responsible man to give all her needs than an asshole who is only better when in condition.

Make a girl smile, and she will make your life happy. Make a girl cry, and she will make your life miserable.

Trust a woman who loves online gaming than a woman who loves online shopping.